Eliminating Clutter

Every year I seek to teach my students to eliminate clutter in their writing, and every year I encounter a renewal of one variety of clutter or another.

"Fighting clutter is like fighting weeds--the writer is
always slightly behind." --Wm. Zinnser
"Dandelion" by Leo-seta is licensed under CC BY 2.0

This year my students appear to believe verbs must be written in the progressive tense. They introduce quotations with "The writer is saying that..." or analyze text with "This quote is meaning that..."

This year's epidemic takes its place next to the annual creators of clutter: excessive wordiness, unnecessary adjectives and adverbs, long words, and ponderous phrases and euphemisms.

We can do so much better without the clutter, namely the "-ing" progressive verbs and the heap of extra words they require. Below is a student example from a recent writing assignment about a poem we read in class:

"This quote is showing that the narrator usually is going with others because he's living his life one step at a time to try and not hurt anyone."

That's THREE progressive verbs among the various clutter. He employs 28 words, but few of them convey his ideas.

And what did the student include that he doesn't need?

"This quote..."  (Awkward transition) Students want to connect back to the previous quote or evidence. If their sentence makes a clear point about the previous sentence, they do not need this awkward transition. Cut it.

 "...is showing that..."  (Progressive verb #1) Rather than consider the appropriate verb to demonstrate what the writer "is showing," students resort to a stock phrase that adds nothing to the sentence. Clutter. Cut it.

"usually"  (Adverb) No need to qualify the statement. This is clutter. Cut it.

 "...is going..."  (Progressive verb #2) Changing this to "goes" saves one word, but even a single word not doing work is clutter. Cut it.

"...because he's living his life..."  (Progressive verb #3) Do we need to remind people that the speaker of the poem is alive? Cut it.

"...one step at a time..."  (Cliche) Clutter. Cut it.

"...to try and..."  (Redundant) More clutter. Cut it.

 So what is left of this sentence? Not much. Behind the clutter, this writer has produced little substantive thinking about the literature. Without the clutter, we get this:

"The narrator goes with others to not hurt anyone."

Nine words! Success. While the new sentence lacks a complete analysis, it provides a clean starting point for the student to engage in deeper thinking about the poem. Readers can also see the author's claim and understanding of the text he quotes.

The next step for this writer includes a stronger understanding of the speaker (beyond the basic "narrator") as well as a stronger verb than "goes with." He might also sharpen the discussion of what it means "to not hurt anyone."

Once writers eliminate the weeds (clutter), they can focus on saying something valuable.

Our Blogs are Alive

My students have begun the process of creating passion blogs--online explorations of one subject they choose. And I feel a bit like Dr. Frankenstein when I survey the student writing this assignment helped create. They have chosen to blog about music and cars, sheep and cows, favorite clubs and subjects and sports.

I see all kinds of subjects and styles. But this assignment has brought them all together and breathed life into their writing by providing them choice.

As a traditional classroom teacher, I normally assign a writing prompt and wait for 20 to 25 copies of a very familiar product to arrive from each hour I teach. Upon receiving these cookie-cutter essays, I then question my sanity in assigning them in the first place.

Attempting the experiment of passion blogging scared me, but upon reading my students's blog posts, my fears vanished. Instead I feel excitement. My students have the opportunity to choose a topic dear to them and write about their choices.

Their stories blew me away.

A 1967 Pontiac Firebird 400
(Image Source)

Megan's story about bonding with her father over a shared appreciation of muscle cars got me think about my own father and the relationship I am forming with my sons. My father used to drive a muscle car of his own, a Pontiac Firebird 400. It's one of the few memories I have of him. As my oldest son approaches his teen years, I want to share with him the mechanical knowledge I have so we might develop a bond around a shared interest.

Kylie's intimate discussion of the power of theatre made me reflect on the value of belonging. I wanted to act, but our high school only performed musicals. If you couldn't sing (and I couldn't), you need not apply. Instead I was in the pit orchestra. My experience in band gave me the same excitement and sense of belonging that Kylie writes about in her blog post.

I might have gotten my students to this point with a traditional assignment. Possibly. Maybe. Probably not. Now that I have seen what an authentic audience and a student-selected topic can do, I don't think I can ever go back.

So hand me a lab coat and call me Dr. Frankenstein. I am going to keep asking my students to bring together as many random subjects as we can. I hope they paid the electric bill.

Writing Blogs to Boost Engagement

To get my students writing more and thinking deeper about their writing, I am embarking on an experiment this quarter with my senior level Composition course. Over the last nine weeks of the year, my students and I will each choose a topic of personal interest and create blogs to explore those topics.

I learned about this passion blogging concept at last month's Write to Learn Conference in Osage Beach, MO in a presentation by Elisabeth Alkier (@elisabethalkier), a 7th grade teacher from St. Joseph, Missouri. Ms. Alkier and her students blog about the subjects they find most fascinating; her personal blog displays her love of Science-Fiction while her students chose an amazing range of topics for their blogs.

Elisabeth's students are demonstrating real-world writing skills and look like they are having a blast doing it. I want the same learning to happen in my classroom. With all the new initiatives I've implemented this year, I feel stretched to a breaking point. However, my seniors expressed interest in this new adventure when I shared it with them, so with their commitment, we are setting forth into the world of blogging.

Our Task

These "Passion Blogs" should demonstrate our understanding of our chosen subject. My passion in the Language Arts Classroom revolves around independent reading and authentic writing. In this blog I plan to explore everything I know about these subjects and seek out exciting opportunities to get my students reading, writing, and thinking in new and fascinating ways.

My next steps include creating a blogging community and getting my students to read and write about their passions. Check back often to see how my students take to this new opportunity.